An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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