Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
