apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
