toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
