I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize