this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
