I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
