The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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