I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
