these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize