So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
