Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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