your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
