alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
