i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
