from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
