If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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