So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
