u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
