When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
