i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
