My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Randomize