friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
