I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize