hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
