I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
