Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
