Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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