She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize