just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
