She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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