there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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