I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
