I hate all girls vehemently.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
