It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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