You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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