i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
