I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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