Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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