Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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