ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
