last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
