my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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