hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
