my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
