3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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