Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
