I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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