whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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