I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
