apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You need Xanax blowdarts
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
