do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
