Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
