JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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