His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
