Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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