we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
