p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
