Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
