So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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