Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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