I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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