im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
