R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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