I'm so fucking centered right now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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