community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
