This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize