True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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