believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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