So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His nipple licking is glorious
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