I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
