Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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