and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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