Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
