We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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