i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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